Matt Burch, LPC

I grew up as a fraternal twin, and my brother was always bigger, louder, and naturally more forceful than I was. Without realizing it, I adapted by becoming more passive and accommodating. I learned early to defer, go along, and rely more on the direction or strength of others than my own.

Over time, being accommodating stopped feeling like something I did and started feeling like who I was.

I got very used to adapting to what other people wanted, but much less connected to what I actually wanted.

Looking back, I think I was often rewarded for suppressing those parts of myself, and watched my brother get punished for expressing them. So choosing what other people preferred felt safer and more natural than expressing my own preferences, pushing back, or taking up space.

Somewhere along the way, I also became intensely self-conscious and overly aware of how I was coming across. At the time, I didn't think of any of this in terms of instinctual drive. I just thought this was my personality.

That's part of why I work with teenagers as well as adults. Everything I just described was formed by the time I was fifteen, and completely invisible to the adults around me, because I was doing well. Nobody worries about the accommodating kid. I know what it would have meant to have someone see it then, and name it, decades before I finally did.

I eventually went to school to become a counselor and I've been practicing for 16 years now. I spent fourteen of those years at Eagle Ranch, working with children, teens, and families, and several more in private practice with individuals, couples, and parents. During those years, I saw real growth, and meaningful change happen, which is why I still believe deeply in the value of therapy and relational work today.

But personally, the way I was wired. Constantly overriding myself, staying overly accommodating, disconnected from my own internal drive. That pattern took its toll on my health, my energy, and my nervous system, and eventually led to significant burnout.

I stepped away from counseling for several years and moved into other work, including real estate. Looking back, I really needed that season. It became an important mental and emotional reset. (It's also why I care about helping other therapists avoid burnout.)

When I encountered instinctual drive and the Wilder Method, it named what I'd been circling for two decades, in my clients' patterns and in my own. One of the biggest realizations for me was seeing just how quiet, almost dormant, my own instinctual drive was.

Even simple questions like, “What do I actually want?” were surprisingly difficult to answer.

And while that realization was difficult, it was also incredibly freeing. For the first time, I felt like I had permission to reconnect with parts of myself I had spent years suppressing: the parts connected to instinct, desire, honesty, boundaries, directness, and movement.

As I started reconnecting with those parts of myself, it organically improved many of the symptoms I had struggled with for years, including anxiety.

I remember one moment in particular where I was dealing with intense fear and nervousness, and nothing seemed to help; until I finally said it, loudly, to myself: "I will protect you."

Almost immediately, my body relaxed. My nervous system, after years of standing guard, finally stood down.

That moment stayed with me. It helped me realize how disconnected I had become from the parts of myself that were meant to protect me, speak up, act, and move forward.

Over time, as I have continued rebuilding trust in those parts of myself instead of suppressing or shaming them, the anxiety has gradually lessened.

That is a major reason why I feel so passionate about this work today.

I care deeply about helping people reconnect with these parts of themselves. Not through more shame or endless analysis, but through self-understanding, honest action, self-trust, and learning to stop overriding themselves in the moments that matter most.